English A
Essay #2
9/22/10
You are walking down the street near your house and you see a lady with funky clothes walking down the street, or a man whose eyes seem to see all in their squint eyed fashion. These are some of the examples of people who might seem a little odd. This is an essay describing a strange person that I have met. What I am going to tell you about this person is probably going to surprise you. Or you may think, “He doesn’t sound that much different than me.”
(TS)Have you ever felt like someone on your street is, well, a little bit strange? You are not alone; I have met many weird people too. The most memorable person is near my aunt and uncle's house.(SD)This odd person ,surprisingly, I have only seen a few times.(CM)This is because this elusive person never goes out of his house when people are around.(CM)Sometimes you can see him peering through the curtains from the dark reaches of his house, and when you look his way he seemingly melts into the shadows of his dim lit house.(SD)Also his house is a fairly descent size, with a nice glass dining area over looking the pond.(CM)Of course you'll never see this person outside.(CM)This is totally inexplicable since it is so nice out there; I haven't seen him have one party out on his deck.(SD)To wrap this all up, this person has flocks of geese at his house.(CM)It is like he keeps them.They are all over his lawn doing whatever they please.(CM)When I was little one of the geese attacked me for some bread that I had for the ducks, not a good experience.(CS)All together this person across the pond is strange indeed, but maybe not as strange as you and I.
Overall this essay described one peculiar guy. But maybe this guy is thinking how funny I am, always down by the pond staring like some psychopathic bird waiting to catch a fish or frog. Some of the people, who you think is different, may not be different in a bad way .Next time you think someone strange, think about if they are strange in a good way or a bad. After all it is not at all that bad to be the one who is different.
Jordan whats up?
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say that i really like how you use the word eluisive i think it adds some nice flair to the sentence. However i cannot understand what you mean when you say the dark reaches of his home, maybe you could re word that.there are a few words in hear that arent very smooth but that is an easy fix.i also really liked your story about the geese.
Hi Jordan,
ReplyDeleteYour paragraph is ecellent! Not only did you use great words like elusive, but your paragraph had unity. Great Job!
Hi Jordan,
ReplyDeleteSorry, my last comment was to sort so I’m re doing it. I really like your paragraph; you stayed focused on topic throughout your paragraph. Although, when you wrote [This odd person, surprisingly, I have only seen a few times.], is confusing and I think you should add on to it because it's an introductory clause. Also, I think you should leave out the part when you say [I haven't seen him have one party out there.] because it doesn't contribute to your paragraph. Good Work.
-Kara