Jordan
English 8
Pine Point School
Essay #4
Peek-At-Boo
An Essay about Privacy
There is a strange house near you and you want to have a look at who owns it. This may seem like loads of fun but do you think that he or she would like you constantly watching them in their private space.This essay is about a book that is all about kids fascinated with a person. After this you may want to leave people alone ,because you don't want someone looking through your window every day..
(TS) “There was a long jagged scar that ran across his face; what teeth he had were yellow and rotten; his eyes popped out, and he drooled most of the time”was Boo's description from To Kill a Mockingbird but does he really deserve kids invading his space? (SD)Dill and Scout dare Jem to run and touch the front porch of the Radely’s house. (CM) This is not that bad since they are not really peeking into his house or knocking on the door then running away.(CM) Although I’m sure Boo would have appreciated if these kids would leave him in peace it is not doing him any harm.(SD) Another one of Jem and Scouts privacy breaking deeds was when they went into Boo Radley’s yard.(CM) This was not a good thing, because unlike the other times Jem and Scout both took something out of a tree in Boo’s yard.(CM) These things happened to be gum and two very old pennies which could be his.(CS)Overall Jem, Scout, and Dill seem to have a obsession of Boo Radley’s life, but at least they are not yet peeking at Boo.
These times with Jem and Scout may seem exciting but they should really think if their neighbor want them snooping around. The worst thing they did to invade Boo's private space was when they went into his front yard and took stuff out of his trees. This obsession over Boo Radley is definitely going to get them into trouble. Lets just hope its not Boo who finds out.
Jordan,
ReplyDeletewhat do you mean Although I’m sure Boo would appreciated if these kids would leave him in peace this is pretty healthy. Also Je didnt take the gum out of Bos yard Scout did.this was a well thought out essay that realy sent a mesage about Boo Radleys privacy.
Hi Jordan,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you opened your paragraph with a quote from the book, it really showed the reader how creepy Boo is. Although, I think that your first sentence is a bit too long. Maybe you should only have to quote in the first sentence, it makes the reader think about what a disgusting person the quote is describing. Then the next sentence could be [Boo Radley seems like a horrible person from that quote that the characters from To Kill a Mockingbird say he looks like; but does he really deserve the kids invading his space?] Also, the sentence [Although I’m sure Boo would appreciated if these kids would leave him in peace this is pretty healthy.], I don't understand what you mean by [This is pretty healthy] Other than those to things, great job!
-Kara
Good afternoon Jordan,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I like how you stated your ideas about Boo Radley. Also, it is very good that you used the quote from To Kill A Mocking Bird.
However, you used run-on sentences for the first sentences. What I want to suggest you to do is that try to make the sentences partly (or partially.) When you write the sentences partly, try to use transition words such as also, furthermore, and moreover. For another suggestion, try to write the sentences more specifically. When people who do not know what the story is about, like me, they will not understand it. From "This is not that bad," what is "This" in the sentence, and why is it bad or how is it bad. My three suggestions will be very beneficial for your essay! I know it will be very hard to fix the sentences, but it would definitely help you!
See you later!
Inpyo Hong