Loneliness
An Essay on Lifes Loneliness
 Jordan Crawford

 Pine Point School

English 8th
November 18

 (TS) Everyone has felt lonely a few times in their life.(CM) You can feel lonely when you are alone, like me when I am at my house alone.(CM) You also can have a lonely feeling when you are with a group of people you don't know such as at parties and in the case of Dill with his parents.(CS) The one greatest part of being lonely is when you are joined and once again become joyful.
      (TS)Dill is a person who has experienced immense lonely feelings during his life already. (SD)An example would be with his parents who didn’t interact with him. (CM) His parents bought him mostly anything he wanted, but were not willing to play with him and chose to be in absolute seclusion.(CM) Also Dill said his parents “just weren’t interested in him”, but were willing to buy what ever it took to make him quiet, which led to an abandoned feeling. (SD) Dill also describes his parents as people who would like to live a secluded life.(CM) For instance Dill said “they stayed gone all the time”, even when they were at home.(CM) Another reason for Dill’s abandoned feeling is the fact that they didn’t acknowledge he was there, for they just stayed in their room. This accumulation of events adds to why Dill is lonely, for he is simply without a friend.

       (TS)I sometimes feel lonely, times when I feel vulnerable to everything that would usually bounce off me like sleet on a warm winter jacket. (SD) Those feelings that I could often brush aside batter me with enormous force, like the times I am alone in my house. At home with my family I feel indestructible like a sci-fi movie monster, but when everyone leaves I become a lost kitten with no one except video games and a few movies. (CM)One of the ways I combat these lonesome feelings is to pick up a good book, one that isn’t Jurassic Park a book that makes me glance fearfully out the window and also makes me feel like a small animal being hunted, this replaces loneliness with a hide-under-the-bed fear. (SD) This next lonely feeling happens when I am at a party with relatives that I hardly know and then they have their friends over. (CM)When I don’t know any people that are walking around, I start to get lonesome even when there are around 25 people. (CM)This makes for a lost feeling, and I am usually very shy and won’t talk very much especially to people I don't know .(CS)These small reasons do add up but they are dispersed when someone I know comes to me.
      (TS)This paragraph summarizes some of the reasons Dill and I feel lonely whether we are alone or with a group of people. (CM)Dill feels lonesome because his parents partially ignore him.(CM)I feel lonely when I am home alone or when I am with an unfamiliar group of people. Loneliness is a depressing feeling, so help other people out who may feel lonely so that everyone can be happy together.  
     Self Assessment 
One of the things in this essay that I think I need to improve would be knowing where and where not to put commas in a sentence.  One of the strong points in this writing would be my transitions which I have been working on. One weak point is my opening paragraph which could use some more pizazz. I would give my self a B 

Jordans Outline of Loneliness

Main Point or Thesis of Essay loneliness
Bell word Lonely

Paragraph 1 -- Opening
Hook: Everyone in life will, or already has, been lonely.
Comment on the hook: People can feel lonely even around people me, Dill.
Comment on the hook: In lonely places me, Dill
Thesis (with bell word) Being lonely is bad but when you’re finally not you feel joyful.


Paragraph 2

TS (Main Idea, Topic, or Thesis) Dill’s loneliness
2 Echo words to be used: Abandoned seclusion

SD: Dill said his parents would play with him
CM: Bought a lot of toys but expected him to just play with them
CM Dill said his parents “just wasn’t interested in me”


SD: Thought that they liked a secluded life
CM: Said “they stayed gone all the time”
CM: didn’t acknowledge him being there


CS: overall Dill had a very lonely stay at his parents house

Paragraph 3

TS (Main Idea, Topic, or Thesis) I feel lonely sometimes
2 Echo words to be used: lonesome lost

SD: when I am alone in my house
CM: I watch a movie or play a game
CM: read a book

SD: At huge parties
CM: Don’t know anyone there
CM: I am a shy person

CS: The best feeling though is when someone comes who I know

Paragraph 4

Hook (the same as paragraph 1, or different) Everyone in life will, or already has, been lonely
Echo word (could be bell word) lonely
Comment on the hook: Dills loneliness
Comment on the hook: My loneliness
Re-statement, in slightly different words, of the thesis: Every one enjoys the moment that someone comes and they are no longer lonely.

Growing Up

An Essay about Maturing

Pine Point

November 4, 2010

Jordan Crawford

            For me growing up is a breathtaking thing, a time were you learn new things and make new friends. For Jem and Scout I think it is the same way for them; they are always finding new things and making new friends. I too also find new things and make new friends. After this essay you may see my perspective on growing up.

             In some ways Jem and Scout and I grow up many different ways and many of the same ways. From To Kill a Mockingbird it sounds like Jem and Scout grow up depending mainly on who they spend there time with. When Jem and Scout are with their father, Atticus, they seem to grow up in a positive way, learning how to express their feeling respectively. I think this is a wonderful way to learn, of course, but they also are influenced by people they are around like Mrs. Dubose that treat them poorly.

            Overall Jem and Scout may have many influences but not all good; but this is the opposite of me. I try to not rush growing up and instead take my time and learn about the ever changing world we live in; which our school and our parents teach us all about. Speaking of school, school is one of my biggest influences, being with my friends growing up together is truly an awe-inspiring experience that everyone should witness as we learn and grow. Together Jem, Scout and I have a lot in common. The few I mentioned being that we both learn from parents which is remarkable. We also grow on friends everyday. Try to learn a lot each day but do not try to grow up to soon and cherish being a kid while it lasts.

            Growing up also has to do with a specific person who may learn at a slower or faster rate. In Jem and Scouts case I think that they enjoy growing up with their dad. I like take my time growing up with my friends, and also family. In the whole just enjoy growing up while you can.

Jordan

Graphic Organizer

November 2, 2010

Pine Point

Opening Paragraph
(TS) Growing up is a wonderful part of life for me, a time were you learn new things and make new friends.
(CM)Growing up in Maycomb County
(CM) Growing up for me
(CS)After this you may see my way of how growing up is

Body Paragraph
(TS) Growing up for kids
(SD) For Jem and Scout growing up seems to have to do with who they are around
(CM)When the kids are around their father they seem to grow up in a positive way
(CM)When around other people they tend to grow up at a fast rate when they are influenced negatively.
(SD)For me growing up is very fun.
(CM) I try not to grow up to fast so I don’t miss anything
(CM)Everyday I spend with my classmates I grow with these people as we all learn more and become closer friends
(SD) Together Jem, Scout and I have a lot in common
(CM)We all like learning from our parents
(CM)We also like to have friends to grow up with
(CS)Try to learn a lot each day but do not try to grow up to soon and cherish being a kid while it lasts.

Closing paragraph
(TS) Growing up has many different meanings depending a the specific person
(CM)For Scout and Jem I think they enjoy growing up with their dad
(CM) I am trying not to miss anything
(TS) In the whole just try to enjoy growing