Astounding Surprises
An Essay about life’s surprises
An Essay by Jordan Crawford
8th Grade English
October 25, 2010
You are walking over to your house and when you walk into your room you get surprised by a surprise party. My life’s surprises are mostly good and I think every loves a good surprise about a parent. In To Kill a Mockingbird Jem and Scout get a good father surprise. After this essay hopefully you will see surprises in your life.
(TS)Jem and Scout are in for a big surprise when their ‘boring’ dad, who only reads books, shoots a dog dead. (SD) The kids find out from Ms. Maudie that Atticus was “the deadest shot in Maycomb County
(TS)In sixth grade we had sports tryouts and I knew what I wanted to do and it was cross country; which turned out my dad when he was in high school. (SD) The fact of my dad running long distances was a huge shocker since he works with music and a rope company. (CM) Also my dad had won medals when he was running for most improved time or fasted time. (CM) Not only did he win medals he was also the captain of his team for a couple of years. (SD) For the years I have done cross country my dad has been a great coach. (CM) My dad has given me advice on pacing my breathing and running tips. (CM) My dad last year ran with me for the penguin run to help me become a better runner. (CS) My dad helping me and being runner helped we to my disbelief and shows not all surprises are bad.
Now when you walk into a surprise party you will probably cherish this moment. It is good to be surprised by something good once in a while. You can surprise other people too. Just make sure it is a good surprise not a surprise attack.
Dear Jordan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your thoughts and ideas about Jem and Scout amazed at Atticus shooting a dog. Also, you fitted your sentences very well. What I want to suggest you is, be specific when you explain what had happened. For example, what did Jem and Scout learn an astonishing amount about their dad? What was their dad like? Moreover, I think transitions will also help you to connect sentences better!
NICE JOB! JORDAN!!
-Inpyo Hong
Hi Jordan,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your paragraph. When I read your paragraph I felt that it was very strong and focused. The sentence [Although I think that the biggest amazement for Jem and Scouts was when Atticus said he liked to shoot a shotgun and could hit 14 out of 15 doves.] is confusing because there was an [s] at the end of Scout, but I think that was a typo. Also, in the sentence [When Scout asked why not Jem replied with ,“Atticus is a gentleman, just like me.” this means he respects his decisions.] I think there should be a comma between not and Jem, because the sentence sounds better if you pause there. Good Work Jordan!
-Kara
Hey Jordan
ReplyDeletegood paragraph,there were some great transition here. something that i found confusing was when you said "Although I think that the biggest amazement for Jem and Scouts was when Atticus said he liked to shoot a shotgun and could hit 14 out of 15 doves."you said Scouts. this is really you your only mistake.